Game with words

[£éè£å-(DOG)-]

I know it's not very clean, but it made me laugh when I saw this one:

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat
themselves, and engage in animated conversation.
The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation
at first, but her attention is galvanized when she
hears one of the men say the following: "Emma come
first. Then I come. Two asses, they come together.
I come again. Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more. "
"You foul-mouthed swine," reported the lady indignantly.
"In this country we don't talk about our sex lives
in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Imma just tellun
my friend howa to spella Mississippi."

[Minus]

Lol!,I like

[Master_Unreal]

LOL LOL LOL

That took me a second to really understand it

[£éè£å-(DOG)-]

Some Questions about Childbirth

Question: I'm two months pregnant. When will the baby move?
Answer: If you're lucky, it'll be just after he finishes college.

Question: Is it ok to have children after 35?
Answer: No! 35 children is plenty.

Question: As my pregnancy progesses, more and more people smile at me. Why?
Answer: Because you're fatter than they are.

Question: I want to know the sex of my baby. What is the most reliable way of finding out?
Answer: Childbirth.

Question: What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model?
Answer: Nothing (if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him).

Question: After my baby is born, is there anything I should seek to avoid?
Answer: Yes -- pregnancy.


A report about Childbirth

A little girl was writing a report for school on childbirth, and so started to ask her parents questions about how she was born.

"Well..." said the girl's mother, slighly embarassed - "the stork delivered you to the cabbage patch at the bottom of the garden."
"Oh," said the girl. "Well... how about you and daddy -- how did you get born?"
"Oh, well, the stork brought us too."
The little girl continued with her questions.... "How were grandpa and grandma born?"
"Well honey", said the mother, "the stork brought them too!".

The next day the girl went off to school and handed in the report to her teacher, who started to read the first few lines...
"This report has been very difficult to write because there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."

[£éè£å-(DOG)-]

Thoughts about Marriage

* I've sometimes thought about marrying... and then I've thought again.

* A little girl asked her father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, I'm still paying."

* Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

* If a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

* After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

* Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffe-ring.

* Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.

* Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

* Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the ''Y'' becomes silent.

* Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

* Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

* Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out.

* If you want your wife to listen carefully to everything you say, try talking in your sleep.

* My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.

* How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to getting their laundry done free.

* Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.


Twenty Years

A lady woke up during the night and saw that her husband was not in the bed beside her.
So, the woman searched around the house looking for him and found him sitting at the kitchen table staring folornly into a cup of coffee. He was deep in thought. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye.

"What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked.
"Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?" he asked.
"Yes I do." she replied.
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"
"Yes I remember."
"Do you remember your father when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail"?"
"Yes I do", she replied.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, " You know I would have gotten out today."

[£éè£å-(DOG)-]

Caught for Speeding

After pulling over a driver for speeding, a police officer had the following conversation with the driver

Officer: Good evening. Can I see your driver's license?
Driver: I m afraid I don't have one. I was suspended when I got my fifth conviction fro drink driving.
Officer: Oh dear. Can I see the owner's documents for this vehicle?
Driver: Actually it's not my car. I stole it yesterday.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: Yes. But actually, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting away my gun.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I hid it after shot the owner and shoved her body in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.

When he heard this, the police officer radioed his captain for backup. In a few minutes, the car was surrounded by armed police. The captain approached the driver to try and diffuse the tense situation.

Captain: Sir, may I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
Captain: Whose car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card.
Captain: Would you mind just slowly opening your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in there?
Driver: Of course officer, but there's no gun in here!
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in there.
Driver: No problem officer, but I assure you there is nothing in the trunk!

The police captain was very confused about what had happened.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, that the car was stolen, that you had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk!
Driver: Really? Ain't that something? And I'll bet the lying sucker told you I was speeding, too ...